I'm Not Dead! Life Updates

Wow I've not blogged for a long time.

A little while ago, I mentioned I was applying to do a PhD. Well, I had the interview a couple of weeks ago and was unsuccessful. Immediately after, I was upset about it (who likes rejection?) but then I started to feel really set up. The proposal was never going to go through, so why waste everybody's time? I certainly felt the person who encouraged me to pursue doing a PhD should have said, look, the idea's too big, it's unlikely to pass an interview. It was an unpleasant experience all round, but since being unsuccessful I feel relaxed and much happier. I think I'd been carried along by everyone's enthusiasm (this is not to place blame on anyone except the aforementioned who could have stepped in but didn't) that I didn't stop to consider whether I was actually ready to undertake such a big project. That I feel so much better and less stressed makes me think that failing the interview was a blessing.

In that time, I've also finished the PGCert course I was doing and two of my private students took their FCE exam, so my evenings have been free. It's certainly been enjoyable coming home from work and riding / work and the gym and just doing whatever I feel like! I need to think about what I'm going to do next, but instead of feeling uptight about it I actually feel freer. Lots of things haven't worked out how I planned in my academic and work life, but it's not been the end of the world.

Another complete failure has been my fitness. I started the 30 Day Abs challenge and was bored two weeks in, so stopped. However, I had quite a shock two weeks ago when I had my body fat checked. 26.84%. That's nearly a 7% increase in 3 months. Who ate all the pies? I did! Understandably that upset me a lot and could have set me back to bad habits, but after a sulk and a cry I took responsibility for my poor choices. Nearly 27% is definitely not where I want to be, so I've started training using a four-day split: chest and triceps, back and biceps, shoulders and legs. I've also been schooling Ernest more, which is mutually beneficial (more on Mr Biff in the next post). The Smiling Assassin is checking my plumpness again at the end of August, so I'm hoping to have dropped it all off again by then.

It's strange that in the face of these failures I feel lighter - ironic, right?! - than I have for a while. I realise how tiring it is trying to control everything.

So Help Me I'm Turning Into My Mother...

It started with an innocent visit, and ended with me resolved to do a PhD.

For my Postgraduate Certificate in Learning and Teaching in Higher Education (PGCLTHE), I needed to observe a member of staff, preferably from a different department to the one I work in. The ELT unit is actually in the Business, Law and Sport faculty, so I decided to pay my old dissertation lecturer – Gary – a visit.

After agreeing to let me observe one of his lessons, we got chatting about Masters’ programmes. I’d been looking but hadn’t found one which matched my interests of eugenics and literature – there were courses on 19^th century literature, 19^th century studies, etc, but nothing that piqued my interest. So Gary suggested doing a research project (code for PhD).

Had I been thinking about it? Yes. Did Gary think I could do it? Yes.

Then, the deciding factor. Gary offered to be my supervisor. Yessss!

I came away with a renewed focus and sense of purpose. I’d finish teaching on Winter School then see Gary again to discuss the possibility of me doing a PhD.

I sent a text to my mum, saying I was thinking about a PhD and that Gary had said he’d supervise me. I knew she was excited because she replied straightaway with a line of smiley faces. I told her not to get too excited as I needed to think about it. She followed that up with a sad face. Hmmm.

When I got home, Mum ushered my Dad and Maxx into the living room. I was sat on the floor, fussing Claus, when I realised I’d been surrounded. They were like sharks. What followed was 10 minutes of insistence that I do a PhD, and me fretting about the financial side and whether I was capable. Maxx later told me that Mum had instructed them both to convince me to do it.

At the next meeting, Gary asked me if I’d thought anymore about it. I told him I wanted to do it and we discussed the ideas I had.

The following day I saw an interesting post on the University portal: “University offers 10 fully-funded research studentships for 175^th anniversary”. Well – fully funded, with a maintenance grant, and £500pa of research expenses.

The downside: the deadline was in 3 weeks.

What followed was an intense period of studying, stressing, writing, rewriting and thinking. There was so much to do. How could I write a literature review of the field with only 3 weeks to research? How could I turn my thoughts and ideas about eugenics and literature into a proposal that could compete with other students’ proposals? Which research method was I going to use? What even is a research method?

I handed it in on Friday 13^th March. Unlucky for some, hopefully lucky for me. I won’t find out until May whether I’ve been shortlisted for interview, so until then I’ll just have to sit tight and focus on finishing my PGCLTHE.


So help me I'm turning into my mother. Soon I'll have as many qualifications as she does!