I'm Not Dead! Life Updates

Wow I've not blogged for a long time.

A little while ago, I mentioned I was applying to do a PhD. Well, I had the interview a couple of weeks ago and was unsuccessful. Immediately after, I was upset about it (who likes rejection?) but then I started to feel really set up. The proposal was never going to go through, so why waste everybody's time? I certainly felt the person who encouraged me to pursue doing a PhD should have said, look, the idea's too big, it's unlikely to pass an interview. It was an unpleasant experience all round, but since being unsuccessful I feel relaxed and much happier. I think I'd been carried along by everyone's enthusiasm (this is not to place blame on anyone except the aforementioned who could have stepped in but didn't) that I didn't stop to consider whether I was actually ready to undertake such a big project. That I feel so much better and less stressed makes me think that failing the interview was a blessing.

In that time, I've also finished the PGCert course I was doing and two of my private students took their FCE exam, so my evenings have been free. It's certainly been enjoyable coming home from work and riding / work and the gym and just doing whatever I feel like! I need to think about what I'm going to do next, but instead of feeling uptight about it I actually feel freer. Lots of things haven't worked out how I planned in my academic and work life, but it's not been the end of the world.

Another complete failure has been my fitness. I started the 30 Day Abs challenge and was bored two weeks in, so stopped. However, I had quite a shock two weeks ago when I had my body fat checked. 26.84%. That's nearly a 7% increase in 3 months. Who ate all the pies? I did! Understandably that upset me a lot and could have set me back to bad habits, but after a sulk and a cry I took responsibility for my poor choices. Nearly 27% is definitely not where I want to be, so I've started training using a four-day split: chest and triceps, back and biceps, shoulders and legs. I've also been schooling Ernest more, which is mutually beneficial (more on Mr Biff in the next post). The Smiling Assassin is checking my plumpness again at the end of August, so I'm hoping to have dropped it all off again by then.

It's strange that in the face of these failures I feel lighter - ironic, right?! - than I have for a while. I realise how tiring it is trying to control everything.

Body Fat Update

Joy to the world, I've lost body fat again. Working my way down...
I'm now 20%. 
The lowest I've ever gotten was 19%, but that delicious 18% has still evaded me. Maybe I'll stop talking about it when I get there. Probably not.
The last couple of weeks I've been particularly run down and lethargic, and haven't eaten as clean as I could have, so I'm now working on hitting 5 clean days a week as mentioned in my last post. I need to lose 7lbs to hit my target weight, then maintain it for the rest of the year!
I weigh in every Monday, but my next BF update will be end of March. As long as I maintain or lose a little, I'll be happy as a clam.

Body Fat Update: joy at last!

Just a quick post to say...
I've finally lost some body fat! Hurrah!
I really wasn't sure if I had and was feeling conflicted whether I should get it measured or wait until I felt sure I had lost some, but decided the curiosity would kill me.
So, I went from 23% to 21.39%. That's the same as I was a year ago.
Although I'm still aiming for 18%, I want to start focusing on enjoying exercise, rather than always doing it to reach this or that goal. I hack out on Ernest to keep him fit, but we also go for an amble just to enjoy the countryside - I want to pass this attitude over to working out. I'm still going to push myself, but focus on why I like weightlifting instead of only thinking about what I'm aiming for.
My next body fat check will probably be in January now. 19% would be brilliant, as would continuing to tone and get stronger. I'm really seeing some good definition in my triceps, shoulders and back, which is heartening!

Fear. Pure fear.

In other completely unrelated news, I went on my first rollercoaster on Sunday. It was terrifying and exciting and nerve-wracking and... actually not too bad. Maxx, blogger friend Becky, her bf Andy and I went to Alton Towers for Maxx's birthday (which is actually tomorrow) - it was nice to go on a big boy's ride with them, instead of just watching fearfully as they queue up for increasingly scary rollercoasters!

August Round Up

This update comes a little late, but I have got lots to tell you (some of it crosses over into this month but whatever)...

Career

I have an announcement to make. After careful and prolonged consideration, I am leaving publishing to pursue teaching. This is not a decision I have made lightly, and I can tell you it was a genuine shock when I realised… I really miss teaching. I like my job, but it doesn’t give me that sense of joy that comes from being in the classroom – I thought, when I was teaching, that working in publishing would give me that spark, but it seems I had it all along. I’m sad because I spent so long trying to get into the industry, and of course I’ve considered if it is this role specifically, but even the idea of editing doesn’t fill me with excitement anymore. I know many people will have a strong view on my decision, and it’s the same as when I went to Uni in 2008 and dropped out – at the time it was terrifying, but it was the best thing I could have done. So, the studying begins again… 

Hair

Still no dye! It’s been 10 months now. My hair is so much healthier from lack of colouring and chopping off a large chunk of it – I’m not saying I’ll never dye it again, but I’ll certainly be more fussy about the dyes I use. I haven’t missed ‘fading anxiety’ (I made that up but serial hair-dyers will understand). 

French

Maxx and I came back from the World Equestrian Games last week (blog post to come), which meant spending every evening with his family, so I had plenty of chances to practice my Franglais. Although my French isn’t perfect, I’m certainly more confident when speaking.

SJ competitions

I finally had an SJ lesson! Ernest was a little unfit at the time so we only did 25 minutes - instead of 45 - but it was fun! I felt all wobbly and unsure of my riding after such a long time off, but Ernest still sailed through the air like Pegasus. Since my lesson, I’ve been upping Ernest’s exercise to get him back on form, not that he minds cantering around fields. I’ve entered 3 dressage competitions, 20^th September, 11^th October and 29th November, but haven’t seen any unaffiliated SJ competitions advertised recently. At the Games, I may also have bought Ernest some fabulously sparkly blue ribbons for his plaits, in anticipation of the dressage competitions…

Running

We’re 31 days away from the half marathon now, and I’m starting to feel excited and nervous. I went for a run on the course by myself last night, to conquer my fear of the big hills – it worked. The loop I did took 74 minutes, which I thought was extremely slow as my route was only 4/5 miles; I drove round it afterwards and was pleasantly surprised to find it was actually 7.2 miles. I managed half of both hills, but with another 3 weeks to go I’m sure I’ll be able to improve on this. Last night was a real battle with the voice in my head, which tells me how painful it is, how much my ankle hurts, how I won’t be able to do it, how tired I am... I did walk a few times, the longest for about 2 minutes, but I made myself get going again. I’ve developed an even stronger voice, which sounds like an army commander, who positively screams at me that I can do it, I will do it, I’m doing it for Rio, for Claus, for Jimmy, for Princess, for Lassie, for all the hounds at Hersham, and I am not going to quit! Going out alone, with only myself to rely on, was a rewarding experience and I can now say I’m looking forward to October 5^th. I ain’t scared of no hill.

Body Fat

The BFF Challenge required me to lose 2%, and if I failed I have to do kettlebell swings to failure. Well, I’d been eating 100 times better and running a lot, but I’ve put on ¼%! What surprised me more was my reaction – I’m completely OK with it. Unlike the last BF update, where I’d put on 3% because of eating like a hog and felt really disappointed in myself, The Smiling Assassin and I attributed this gain to the high-carb diet I’ve been on since upping my half marathon training and the lack of weightlifting. Even though this wasn’t the result I wanted, I’m going to continue my healthy diet and see if my body fat goes down again once I’m off the carbs. If it continues to rise, I’ll look into it...

New Country

Maxx and I are going away with friends next year, and then with family, but if we can afford to we’re aiming for a long weekend in Ireland.

Body Fat Update: prepare for misery

Let's cut straight to it. I've put on 3% body fat, from 19.64% in April to 22.75% in July. I don't think I need to express how upset and frustrated I am with myself.
As a blogger who blee-blah-bloos on about fitness and riding and weight training and running etc, I feel like a huge hypocrite for clearly not practicing what I preach. By the same token, I'm human, I've been feeding my gluttonous mouthhole too many treats, and I now need to be honest about this gain.
You do lose muscle when doing excessive amounts of cardio - however, when training for the half marathon in 2012, I was running 2-3 times a week and only weightlifting once a week. I distinctly remember this caused a 3% drop in body fat. There's no way I'm running enough (yet) to be burning up my muscle, so the only thing left to consider is my diet.
I very recently cut down the amount of treats I have on treat day, as this was causing multiple IBS reactions and, quite frankly, the day was becoming a giant binge. I am strict with what I consider a treat, so I wouldn't have a chocolate biscuit and say I ate 100% clean that day (I also wouldn't eat only one biscuit, so bad example), but I've gradually been having less and less clean days. 
The reason I'm writing this post is because I want people to see the truth - I am slim, fit, healthy, but I also don't achieve my goals all the time. My motivation isn't always 100%. I follow fitness models and athletes for inspiration, but sometimes this is a bad thing as I'm aspiring to look a certain way when these people are sponsored and paid to look like that. It's their career, not just their hobby. I love running and weightlifting, but Ernest will always be my priority. I want people to read my blog and know that, even though I'm a fitness fan, I do know what it's like to think: "F the diet, I want f'ing ice cream and cake and chocolate and cheese and I don't want to work it off after!!!!"
That said, I have a goal I want to achieve. My next BF check is at the beginning of September, so my bestest bf Becky has set me up with a challenge - I have to get to 21% and she has to lose 7lbs. The figure 21% was agreed by Maxx, who wanted it to be sensible and attainable. 
Here's my proactive plan to get my BF back down:

• No treat days until my birthday, then no treat days unless special occasions. I have a clean eating cookbook now so can cook clean treats if I crave sweet things.
• Stop squishing my squishy bits because a) it makes Maxx sad and b) it makes me feel bad about myself. I struggle with my body anyway, but this just makes it worse.
• Prioritise - I can't weightlift, see Ernest, work, work in the evenings, train for a half marathon, and fit in enough sleep. I'm pushing myself to breaking point but, at nearly 24, I need to learn to rest properly. Running needs to come before weightlifting, and I need to get serious about my training. I'm not doing 13.1 miles because it's easy, after all.

Special thanks to Becky and Maxx and The Smiling Assassin for being kind when I was super upset yesterday.

May Round Up

I said April went fast. So did May! I attribute that to finally being in full time employment - time seems to have flown by. I'll have been at my new job for a month on Friday!

Career

Life has definitely been more peachy since getting my new job - I've learnt so much, the people are like a family and the books they publish are really, really interesting as well as important (fastfacts.com). I'm still teaching and intend to continue giving private lessons once these students have passed their exams - it helps that my current students are wonderful and funny and hard-working, but teaching international students is incredibly rewarding. I've wanted to work in publishing and teach privately since I had a private tutor - who also had a 9 to 5 as well as his teaching (thanks Mr Stockwell) - so I'm proud I've achieved this goal at only 23.

Hair

Still no dye. I had a lot chopped off a couple of weeks ago, which makes growing out the colour a lot easier. You know your hair needs a good cut when your hairdresser gives up combing it, grabs chunks and just hacks the manky bits off.

French

Quoi?

SJ Competitions

I'm able to ride for 20-25 minutes now, but when the vet came last Friday Ernest was still completely lame in trot. I'm not sure I've explained fully what happened - Ernest damaged the tendon sheath in his back leg by getting it stuck in his rug, presumably while rolling. As he was out at night, he had been stuck with his leg up all night so it was very sore and tender - that was early April, I believe. I've put competing out of my mind while he gets better, and even then we will be building back up slowly. These things always remind me how lucky I am that he's still with me after his big injury in 2012 (fractured leg).

Running

I've not been running since our 'yeah! let's go running again!' weekend, but I'm planning to include a couple of runs a week in the run up (ha ha haaa) to our holiday.

Body Fat

Shut up. See above for attempts to lower it.

New Country

We go away in 20 days! I'm getting soooooo excited. There's a gym at the hotel which I'll be frequenting, but I'd really like to be in shape for when we go away. Body shape and size aside, there is so much about visiting Berlin that I'm hyped for - spending a week just Maxx and I, visiting a historically significant city, exploring a completely new place, trying German cuisine... Roll on 21st June!

How was your May? Which goals did you achieve and what are you still aiming for?

April Round Up

Are we seriously in May? May? MAY?!?!?!?!? I mean, I like this month and all, and it's getting closer to my birthday, but what the f! This year is going so fast - maybe it's because I'm getting old... I certainly feel it with my wisdom teeth coming through. Which hurts, by the way - it's like having a spiky plum in the corner of my mouth.

This month has been an emotional drain. Family problems and losing Lucky have made this a month I'd rather forget, but there has also been one huge change for the better...

Career

I was offered the role of Publishing Assistant at Health Press Limited on the 16^th April, and to say I’m excited to start is an understatement. As we went away on the 17^th, it was an excellent way for Maxx and I to start our Easter break –we’ve even talked already about opening a joint savings account! Since 1st April I've also been giving private English lessons in my hometown, which I'm also really enjoying and finding very rewarding.

Hair

Still not dyed it, and to my surprise the colour coming through isn’t too bad. It’s not the nicest colour, grown out mouse with ginger ends, but it’s also not the worst! My hair is really soft at the moment too, which is definitely from leaving it alone and from using my Aveda products.

French

I was nervous about going to France and being mute, so I was chuffed on the boat when I spoke to a couple of the staff in French. I like to think I spoke more French in France than English, and felt more confident speaking with different people. I’m slowly getting to grips with French grammar, too.

SJ Competitions

There were a couple of competitions at the end of April I wanted to enter, but Ernest went lame last Thursday - typically, I’d just booked a SJ lesson for Friday afternoon. He got his leg stuck in his rug straps all night and has hurt the tendon by his hoof – the swelling and lameness has seriously gone down over the last couple of days though, so I’m hoping we will finally get out in May.

Running

I went for a short run in France, except it turned out to be more intervals than a solid 20/30 minutes. When did I get so terrible at running? Oh yeah, when I stopped doing it regularly.

Body Fat

Still the same as I mentioned on Monday. I still cannot believe I’ve put on 1.5 inches around my waist! But I'm not going to obsess about it I'm definitely going to obsess about it.

New Country

Maxx and I are still going to Berlin, but what we’ve decided is that next year we won’t go abroad except to visit Maxx’s family in France – now I’m employed, we want to start saving for a house and other big scary adult things.

New PT Workout: #5

I have put on 1.5 inches around my waist. I blame Easter and filling my gluttonous mouth hole with chocolate every 5.2 seconds... But still, that's quite a feat in 2 weeks. Thankfully, my body fat hasn't increased but I'm still stuck at 19.64%. 

After accidentally missing my session last Tuesday, I was excited to start a new programme today. My Dad recently renamed Michelle, my trainer, 'The Smiling Assassin', which was highly appropriate after today's session. I still feel a bit delirious!

Warm-up: interval run, 10 mins

Circuit 1 - Lower Body (3 sets)

Superset:

Walking lunges with 15kg barbell - 20 reps

Squats with 15kg barbell - 12 reps

Deadlift with 25kg barbell - 12 reps 

Superset:

Leg extension 17.5kg - 12 reps 

Leg curl 15kg - 12 reps

Circuit 2 - Upper Body (3 sets)

Superset:

DB bench press with 6kg - 12 reps

Single arm row with 9kg - 12 reps

Superset:

Kettlebell snatch with 8kg - 10 reps

Lateral raises with 3 kg - 12 reps

Skull crushers with 4kg - 12 reps

Circuit 3 - Abs (3 sets)

The Matrix - 15 reps

Cross body crunches - 20 reps

Russian twist - 20 reps

Cool down, stretch, and collapse on floor.

Programme designed by Michelle Maxwell of Youmefit.co.uk.

I have no doubt, now I've got my eating back into order, that I'll lose those sneaky 1.5 inches, especially as I'll be doing this plan 2-3 times a week. I said "I think I'm going to shit myself" about 5 times during the first circuit, as well as a certain profanity which rhymes with 'duck' about 700 times throughout. It was painful, but I really enjoyed knowing that I'd pushed myself as hard as I could during circuit 1 - we ran out of time so just did circuits 2 and 3 once.

As recommended by Michelle, I'm going to split the circuits into Upper and Lower days with abs on both. I'm hoping to do upper and abs on Thursday.

Wish me luck, as I'm not sure I'll be able to walk tomorrow...